Books, wonderful books!!

I have always loved to read!! As a child I would quickly devour books. Picture it - eight years old, under the covers, smuggled flashlight on, reading even though everyone else has gone to bed and I was supposed to have lights out hours before. I have had a voracious appetite for all books. I have, however, noticed that I can easily get into a slump. I’ll stick to just a couple of authors and won’t branch out. It’s almost a fear thing. Fear that I’ll absolutely detest the book, but because I spent $14 on the damn thing I need to finish it. It’s silly, really, I can always sell it at 1/2 price books for the 10 cents that they’ll give me. Ugh!!

Anyway, recently I started participating in an online book club. The women are far more avid readers than I have ever been (or than I aspire to be, for that matter), but have some amazing suggestions for books. In the past 2 months I’ve read more new authors than ever before and am looking forward to continuing.

One book that I’m completely psyched for is Girl Sleuth, Nancy Drew and the Women Who Created Her. I would say that my all time favorite series is Nancy Drew. I have every one of the original books - yup - a shelf full of yellow hard back books with the “titan haired girl detective” on the cover in some eerie situation. I LOVED those books!! In fact, I actually read through them again about 6 years ago - it was the most fun. I think that because of these books I always thought it would be fun to be a detective. When most girls were playing with Barbies, or watching TV, or thinking about boys, I was going around the neighborhood inventing mysteries. For a while there was a vacant lot across the street from me - many a mystery began there!!

I hope that as Bailey grows up she has as much enthusiasm for books as I do. I’m looking forward to introducing her to Nancy Drew. I can’t wait to help her solve mysteries and investigate. I’ve got a number of real puzzlers for her: where does that one sock go in the dryer, why can’t I be one of those skinny bitches who eats nothing but chocolate all day and loses weight and, how can I stop this grey hair from spreading. If she can figure those things out I’ll be set!!

TS What?

It’s amazing what challenges a body can face after pregnancy. Mine went through hell last year and I’m finally getting it back into “fighting shape”. Adam and I are beginning a program called the 20/20 program at our health club. It’s a medically managed health/weight management program that will last the next 27 weeks (15 weeks of program and 12 weeks of maintenance). They get so focused - have you take so many assessments to start, and take blood. Well, one of the challenges that I faced last year was with my thyroid. It failed. It dumped, hard. You see, I know now that it runs in my family. My grandmother’s thyroid failed postpartum. My sister’s thyroid failed postpartum. And, ta-da, mine failed postpartum. On top of just your average everyday thyroid failure I also had a large nodule on it. When they biopsied it the results indicated papillary carcinoma, a form of Thyroid Cancer. So, they decided that it needed to come out. I had my thyroid removed back in June of 2006 and have been working for the last 9 months to get my thyroid levels back to normal. You can live without a thyroid, but not without the hormone. This is where things get tricky. What do I start to notice when my thyroid levels are off? First, I get tired - very tired. And, it goes in degrees - I start off just having trouble getting up in the morning. Then, I don’t feel like I can get up. Then, I just don’t and Adam stays home (we’re catching things quicker, these days so it doesn’t get this far anymore). Additional problems. Well, check out the list of what can happen when your thyroid levels are off:
•Constipation (yippee - what fun!!)
•Joint Pain
•Moodiness
•Bloating - puffy face (another joy)
•Dry Skin (my elbows are like elephant skin right now)
•Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
As you can see, life is a ball of joy when your thyroid levels are off. At my last doctor’s appointment we’d finally gotten them back into range for me, but I found out today that they’re out again - ugh!! Back to the old drawing board. Thank goodness for the 20/20 program, though. They’re the ones who drew the blood a couple of weeks ago. Otherwise, it would be a few more weeks before I noticed.

Ah Bliss!!

Anyone who knows my Bailey knows that she is busy. In fact, that word doesn’t do her state of busy-ness justice. She is B-U-S-Y. This is a girl who rolled over at 25 days (and it wasn’t a fluke), crawled at 6 months and walked at 8 months. And now - runs!! So, picture this. Bailey, 16 months old, having a little trouble getting to sleep and running laps around her crib at nap time. Mommy (mean lady that she can be) picks her up and tells her that it is nap time because she is very tired. Mommy bounces and rocks with Bailey for about 6 minutes. Bailey falls asleep. Yes, you read correctly - my daughter actually fell asleep in my arms. Now, to appreciate this you must understand that in all of her 16 months the only times that she has fallen asleep in my arms were while nursing until she was about 6 months old. After that, she would not sleep if my hands were touching her. She would sleep in the Baby Bjorn or the Moby wrap if I was wearing her. But, If I was actually holding her it was just too much stimulation for her. So, now you can imagine just how amazing it was to hold my sleeping baby who looked so content. Ah - the bliss of parenthood.

Shriveled Cooch

The Lord only knows how it is that I first came up with this name, but since I’ve known my husband I’ve talked about starting a punk band named Shriveled Cooch. Completely in jest. True, I don’t listen to punk music, don’t really like it to be honest. It’s just not my thing!! I’ve never been in a band, never had interest in being in one. Don’t know many other musicians (other than pit musicians - and, I’m talking musical theater, not mosh). So, I’m not even remotely on the path for this band, but I still think it would be a great name. I’m feeling encouraged today, though. After reading Rosie O’Donnell’s blog comment regarding “the donald” I’ve found our breakout hit song title - Scrub the Fart Stain. I suspect it will have a really dirty sound (get it?). I’d better start working on the next song title - this one has only taken 4.5 years. At this rate our first album won’t release until Bailey finishes her last year of residency which just won’t do - I’m counting on the profits to pay for her schooling.

Boogers

I took Bailey to the doctor today for the second time in 5 days for, you guessed it, BOOGERS!! I think that the one thing that I’ve discovered throughout pregnancy and the last 15 months of raising a child is that you become a bit too comfortable with body fluids and the discussion thereof. Throughout the pregnancy my entire body felt like one big toxic waste site being constantly probed. I think those who report being used by aliens as science experiments had it easier than any pregnant woman. You’re poked and prodded and then you give birth with everyone and their brother checking you out every hour or so - I swear, the custodian could walk in to check you out and you wouldn’t think anything of it.

So - boogertime. Well, Bailey has another sinus infection and ear infection and we’ve discovered that antibiotics are a bit tricky for her. This is the second such episode in 4 months (she’s actually a very healthy baby to have such infrequency of illness). The problem is finding an antibiotic to treat it. The first “line of defense” each month has been one of those long names ending in “cillan” that you need the pronunciation code to say it correctly. Each time it’s taken the edge off of the ear infection and left the boogers completely alone as if to say, “you, Boogers, are too gross for even me”. In the 80’s there was a toy called Slime that has this foggy green color and a boogery consistency. Bailey’s boogers resemble this toy enough that I could bucket it and put it on the market and no one would know differently. After the first course of antibiotics is run it’s time to visit the doctor again. And they prescribe something different. In December this “something different” took care of the boogs immediately - and left us with 5 days of puking and diarrhea (I warned you that this was about body fluid). The poor kid was going through jammies and diapers as quickly as overpopulated China during a baby boom. It was horrible!! This time we’re on to a new antibiotic - well, new to Bailey. Fingers are crossed that we’ll be booger free really soon!!

Where all of the nutjobs go to play

(editor's note - this doesn't apply to everyone on the board - just a few of the special ones)
Since before Bailey was born I have lurked on an online bulletin board where other mothers of similar aged children go to bitch/gain support. It amazes me what people will post so publicly - I’ve heard parent educators talk about how you find the worst parents at (fill in the blank - the public pool when they’re not watching their children, Target when they’re not watching their children, the playground when they’re not watching their children...you get the gist). This board kills me. Tired of soap operas? Join a public bulletin board. I think that you may actually find that all of the really crummy parents live there.

At this point there are many women who have been posting there for just over two years (that’s how long I’ve been lurking - occasionally posting). In that two years I’ve seen some serious drama. First, I can’t figure out how these women find the time to post as often as they do. I have a very active toddler and I can spend time on the computer during naps and after she’s gone to bed. There are moms who at this point have over 4,000 posts. That’s a little more time than I’d want to spend with cyber buddies. Crazy me - I prefer to talk to someone that I know well IN PERSON.

The second thing that stuns me is how personal people will get. I understand the TMI questions during pregnancy (should this be coming out of there, does yours look like this). What I don’t understand is sharing personal information (my financial status, information about my sex life, discussion of my IRL - in real life - friends). You see, I don’t mind sitting and talking to my friends about challenges that I face, my joys, my frustrations. You know, my life. But, when I’m posting this stuff on a bulletin board I’m sharing it with my new BFF’s, plus every person (like myself) who lurks or belongs to the board. As I recall there were somewhere around 300 women on this board - that doesn’t include the 12 “birth clubs” per year and the 12 years of boards. So, it’s like taking out a mini classified ad - you’re sharing this information with the world!! So, the woman who has just left her husband (he was a louse), quit her job (they were unfair), and is hoping that her tax return arrives TODAY because otherwise she won’t have groceries and it’s everyone else’s fault, expects the board to just send money? I haven’t figured out the thought process.

Finally, and this is the one that really boggles my mind. I can’t believe how women are so willing to share their crappy parenting choices so publicly. There was a woman who very willingly shared about hitting her child “up the side of the head” and couldn’t believe that the principal at this child’s school threatened to report her. (how dare he take a child’s word over the parent’s). The woman who bragged about curing her child’s biting problem by biting him. The parents who are cool with fighting in front of their kids. The moms who allow their significant others to stay out drinking all night, or to play video games all day, or to treat them without respect. The parent who is sure that their child needs to be potty trained right now (um, they’re 16 months old - they can’t say bowel movement, let alone control it) and ridicules their child for going potty in their pants. These can really grate on you. These are the ones that I typically respond to. I’ve been known to suggest that publicly sharing these tips could lead to justified visits from protective services.

I’m probably not the most popular mom on this board, but that hasn’t ever been my goal. Truth is, my goal is to avoid being the stupidest one. Seeing as at this point I haven’t beaten my child, yelled at her in public, dropped her, watched her roll off of the bed (because I was only going to step away for a minute), or watched her fall down the stairs because I forgot to put up the child safety gate, I think I’m well on my way. And, I’ll never tell how she managed to swallow something in the playroom that I can’t identify (oh, how I still hope it was just a Ting). That’s something that I’ll only share with my close friends.

I can do it (or how a 16 month old thinks)

I can hardly believe it myself - another month has passed. Of course, the most unbelievable is that I'm actually updating Bailey's website closer to the beginning of the month than usual. Am I ill, you ask? Nope - just felt a little inspiration and decided to run with it!!

Bailey had a really busy February. For her, a perfect day would include about 12 hours playing outside and 12 hours of sleep. Unfortunately we've had a lot of rain and (can you believe it) a day of snow. We do get plenty of time outside, though. What do we do when we're outside? Well, it looks
like this:

•Spend about 5 minutes picking up rocks
•Carry the rocks into the playhouse
•Drop the rocks on the ground in the playhouse
•Pick up the rocks
•Carry the rocks out of the playhouse
•Drop the rocks on the ground
•Pick up the rocks
•Carry the rocks into the playhouse
•Drop the rocks on the ground in the playhouse
•Step out of the playhouse
•Realize that you left the rocks in the playhouse
•Go back into the playhouse
•Pick up the rocks
•Carry the rocks out of the playhouse
•Drop the rocks on the ground
•Start at the beginning and repeat the entire process for
up to 1 hour (or as long as mom will let us stay outside).

Sound exciting? Well, it is - I'm getting a lot of weeding done while we're out there. This may be the first year that our back yard is in better shape than the front yard (all of our outdoor play toys are in the back yard).

Bailey loves to climb on furniture these days. We've been slowly eliminating pieces of furniture from the living room (for safety) and rearranging things so that she's limited in her above ground travel. Who knew that having a toddler meant that we would be so inspired for interior decoration?

I would say that the big word for the month is INDEPENDENCE. Bailey does not want us to help her with anything!! She feeds herself (and, it's offensive if we even try to help her). She wants to drink from a cup now (if the choice is between cup or sippy the cup wins out - of course, she's soaked fairly quickly, but she could care less). She DOES NOT want to hold hands when we go out (that's for babies). Her motto is, "I can do it without you!!"

She is, though, incredibly fun and funny!! I get the biggest kick out of her giggles and her playing, and she's gives really great snuggles and kisses (when it fits into her schedule, of course).

Pictures from the new month are posted here.

How Embarrassing

How many times a week do you roll your eyes at yourself and realize that you’ve just committed yet another embarrassing act. Trip over the cat? Totally misunderstand something that was said and respond to the (incorrect) interpretation (to the confused looks of every witness)? Answer a question with food in your mouth and hope that you’ve got it tucked into your cheeks far enough that no one will notice (thanks for the childhood memories, Mom)?

I’ve done it all - I’ve had so many moments in my life that should have resulted in the reddest of faces. But, for some reason, my embarrassment meter is set a bit too high. What would absolutely humiliate the average human doesn’t even phase me. I do have two incidents that stand out as, “I’ve got to hold my head high and pretend this doesn’t phase me” moments.

The first is the cauliflower incident. I believe it was my sister who reminded me of this just a couple of years ago. I was eating cauliflower when someone (I can’t remember who) said something funny. I started laughing, but, because I had all of that cauliflower in my mouth, tried to stifle it. Well, anyone who has tried to stifle a laugh or a cough knows that it just makes it worse. So, I began laughing harder - and within seconds, cauliflower was flying out of my nose. I couldn’t do anything to stop it. And, cauliflower is a bit spicy, so it burned. I don’t have to paint the picture to help you understand how everyone at the table felt as they tried to run for cover. I don’t think that I’ve eaten cauliflower since. I’m sure that I’m scarred. Fortunately, only family witnessed this event, but it was enough. I did learn, though, that you should always have napkins handy when eating cauliflower - it can be messy business. As the boy scouts encourage - be prepared!!

The second incident was a little more public, at a staff barbecue that my mother held. My parents owned the gymnastics club in town and, during the summer, would invite staff over for barbecues. This particular event was to welcome a new coach (who, to be honest, I wasn’t really impressed with, but that’s another story). I remember my outfit well. I’d been losing a little weight and had on a really cute short dress and some cute sandals (sounds like I’m describing a fashion event, right?). Well, I had just come down stairs from the bathroom and walked outside when one of the other staff members came up to me and whispered in my ear, “Kim, your skirt is tucked into your underwear.” What she was really saying, of course, is, “Kim, everyone can see your ass right now.” Inside I wanted to die, I really was mortified. But, I didn’t have that choice. Not unless I wanted to die with my ass hanging out. So, I did what every self respecting person would do. I flipped my skirt out of my underwear, thanked her, and continued on my way as if nothing had happened. She later remarked that she was surprised that I hadn’t been embarrassed - I guess I pulled that one off. Truth was, I was worried that people would bring that incident up at a later date and I just wanted to put it behind me.

So, why do I discuss embarrassment. Well, I think that we allow the fear of embarrassment to hold us back from trying new things. Frequently we choose not to do something “risky” because we fear that we’ll publicly fall on our faces and everyone will laugh. That would be awful, right? Well, not really. Isn’t it worse to never try? I’ve met so many people who choose the safe road and talk about how they wish they’d tried something else when they had the chance. I can honestly say that I’ve tried everything that has been placed in front of me. Do I fear failure? Every day. Have I ever fallen flat on my face? Well, I think that my freshman in college GPA of 1.18 provides the answer to that question. But, I’d rather have my skirt tucked into my underwear as I leave the bathroom, than stay in the bathroom too afraid to leave, any day. And, to those who witnessed the great cauliflower shower - I apologize!! Next time I’ll still laugh out loud, but I’ll make sure that I’m prepared.

If I had a million dollars

Probably one of my favorite songs of the 90’s was the Barenaked Ladies song, “If I Had a Million Dollars”. It lists a bunch of really silly things that they would do if they had a million dollars (I’d buy you a fur coat, but not a real fur coat, that’s cruel). So, what would I do if I had a million dollars? Well, to put it into perspective I sort of think back to how I’d have responded 15 years ago. I was young, single and carefree (unless you count bills as cares). At that time I’d have probably answered that I’d purchase a home (you need a home base and a place to keep all of your really cool “crap” that you purchase), travel and buy clothes. And, that’s what I’d have done - simple. Question answered. Piece of cake. Next?

Fast forward to today. I have a husband and a child. Don’t even bring up the rise in the cost of living. At this time a million dollars won’t come anywhere near buying the huge home that it would have 15 years ago - in my little area of the world (the Silicon Valley of the Northwest) it will get you a 4500 sq. ft. home about 40 minutes from town. So, what would I do with a million dollars now? That’s a tough one. There are so many things I can think of. Fun new clothes for my daughter. A down payment on a larger home. Some new arcade games for my husband. You see, priorities have done a drastic about face. 15 years ago my world was all about me. I didn’t have to think of anything else. Want to travel to Israel for a couple of months? Sure. Want to work in Alaska for the summer? Why Not. My mother always referred to me as her free spirit. I felt like I had so many opportunities that were just waiting for me to grab at them.

Now, my world is about my family. I want to see my husband beam as I surprise him with some new gadget. My heart melts when my daughter embraces a new baby doll. The idea of completely retiring and being a simple stay at home mom totally appeals to me. It would be so much more difficult to choose how to spend the money. Perhaps I’d invest it for the future. Maybe we’d blow it all in one weekend. Whereas 15 years ago I’d have been able to buy everything that I could think of (I didn’t have very wide reaching wants), now it would barely graze the surface. Would I still travel if given the opportunity. Certainly, as long as Adam and Bailey came with. Do I feel like any less of a free spirit? Perhaps, sometimes, sure. But, I wouldn’t trade it...not even for a million dollars.